They're a chamois cloth.

The downside of this "Things I Cried Over" sidebar is that it tempts us to exaggerate. As I have amply demonstrated in the past, I am a giant simp. As a result, any number of ridiculous things can easily engage my sentiment. Sadly, it's not always the most satisfyingly absurd ones that actually rise to the level of making me weep.

Last night conversation turned to prodigious pitchman Billy Mays. We looked up the list of products he'd shilled, from the Awesome Auger to Zorbeez.

"Zorbeez?"

"Zorbeez! They're a chamois cloth."

"Ah, like ShamWow."

"Like ShamWow but not as good. Wikipedia says 'It has often been tested with mixed results.' and 'Popular Mechanics compared the absorbency of two towel products and declared ShamWow! the more effective of the two.'"

"Oh no! That's so sad," said tenderhearted me. "To have the whole point of your existence be how absorbent you are -- how ZORBEE -- and then to fail."

"Are you crying?"

"No."

"You are!" Steve inspected me closely. "Your eyes are shiny! That's a tear for sure!"

"I'm sorry. It would make a better story if I cried over Zorbees, I know, but it's just not happening."

Here are a few more things I didn't actually quite cry over:

• Failing to get the baby into her sling.
• "Chicken Soup with Rice," the song.
• "I'm so thirsty."

Just as people use video-game style badges to make real-life achievements more thrilling, having this record of my ridiculousness makes everything a little less ridiculous. Or ridiculous, but funny rather than sad. Plus now everyone wants to make me cry! It's a win all around.

Comments

[The Modesto Kid]

is "'Chicken Soup with Rice," the song" a setting-to-music of the Maurice Sendak book? (I assume yes, do not know it.)

[jennifer13]

xox Ana Ng xox

[redfox]

Modesto Kid: Yes! Performed by Carole King, in Really Rosie.

Jennifer: Specifically, the bit that goes "They don't need me here and I know you're there" sent me right over the edge.

[Drew]

Batman?

[The Modesto Kid]

Wow: that sounds extraordinary.

[LizardBreath]

Keep plugging away at the sling -- proper baby insertion is a knack. It's easy once you get the hang of it (assuming you have a baby that likes being slung), but I remember finding it difficult at first until it clicked. (We were lucky to have a loopy hippie woman with a slightly older baby living in a downstairs apartment, brimming over with advice on babywearing and increasing milk supply, whether needed or not. She was a lovely person, but goofy.)

(Also, looking at the things that have reduced you to tears -- if you're still having trouble with the baby's nails, nibbling them off works well, with no risk of injury to the baby. A bit gross, but as the only useful bit of advice to be handed down from my otherwise dreadful grandmother, I feel that I should pass it on.)

[redfox]

Drew: The old crotchety decrepit Bruce of Batman Beyond (in a JLU cameo), to be precise.

LB: Yes, I am in love with the sling, and will try nail nibbling. Mmmm, baby nails.