Our new babysitter, who is crucially instrumental to our navigating this week of flip-flopping single parenthood, gave a very suitable, very feeling sigh as she tore herself away at the end of her stint on Monday.
We were all squared up for money and saying "Goodbye, see you next time," and she lingered by the door like you do when you are sixteen and dating someone who you think is just dreamy, and you can't quite bear to tear yourself away and return to the cold dark world where you write "Mrs. Baby Janeypants" all over your notebook until you can see him again. Quite right.
I mean, it's ridiculous, of course. One cannot continually be having conversations that go "Your infant is the kindest, bravest, warmest, most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life." "Yes, I know just how you feel." Not only is it unlikely, it's unseemly.
She is a nice baby, though, and I do like to feel that she is appreciated.
When she was tiny, we observed that being out and about with a newborn was rather like walking around with a mid-range celebrity, in the range of responses it elicited from passersby. We decided that the mid-range celebrity Jane was was James Franco. And so conversations like
STRANGER: Is that a baby?
US: It sure is.
STRANGER: She seems so happy!
US: Yeah, she really likes being held.
Is that James Franco?
It sure is.
He seems so happy!
Yeah, James Franco really likes being held.
Since then, you may have noticed, James Franco has gotten exponentially more famous. He's America's Sweetheart and Bjork all rolled into one, and suddenly we find ourselves with a special attachment to the zeitgeist's rising star.
We can't help but think of his adventures and accomplishments as reflecting somehow on Jane, because we are simple. She's playing a multimedia artist named "Franco" on General Hospital! She's hosting the Oscars! And now, I learn, there's this.
"Master Class: Editing James Franco...with James Franco" will be offered by Columbia College Hollywood. Unfortunately, not just anybody can sign up for the course. Only 12 of the best editing students at the private film school will be selected to participate.
Once they're in the class, students will be tasked with creating "a 30 minute documentary film from videographic footage from Mr. Franco’s own unorthodox career." Essentially, it'll be a film about James Franco made from behind the scenes footage of James Franco.
Yes, it is nice to feel she's appreciated. It is.