This apple is called a Catshead.* Apparently it cooks to a sharp firm puree. I'm not quite certain what exactly that would consist of, but it sounds like it doesn't stand for any nonsense. I imagine you wouldn't either if you'd been around since the early seventeenth century.
The past was better at names. Threadneedle Street, Gropecunt Lane. (These are two different names for one road.) Sneezewort. Breakbone Fever.
Medieval English units of measurement are good too. A poppyseed is a quarter of a barleycorn. There are forty square perches to a rood. Sadly, perch as a measurement doesn't have anything to do with the approximate length of a tasty freshwater fish. It just means "rod".
Speaking of rods, shaftments sound nice and dirty. Their Wikipedia entry doesn't particularly dispel that impression, either:
A shaftment is the width of the fist and outstretched thumb. The lengths of poles, staves, etc. can be easily measured by grasping the bottom of the staff with thumb extended and repeating such hand over hand grips along the length of the staff.
No doubt the purveyors of fine period romance novels are already making full use of this handy turn of phrase. "Fumbling the laces in her eagerness, at last she worked his trousers loose and gasped at what she saw. Faith! Two full shaftments in length and thick as a country sausage!"
*Check out that whole site. It is fantastic. Not only is it a "comprehensive resource for apples and orchards," there is an incredible list of apple varieties where you can read and post comments about each one. Are you a big fan of Northern Spies? Do you have questions about the eating qualities of the Nonetit Bastard? (YES! Really!) Go to town.
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