Dear Treasured Citizen:
The injectable H1N1 vaccine has arrived! It will be available to our very favorite and most pregnant customers (like you!) at a one-time, invitation-only sample sale, in a very inconvenient location at a supremely inconvenient time in the middle of a weekday. These are top luxury immunizations you can't find anywhere else! Be first in line to try these most sought after, highly collectible couture and designer offerings.
Don't forget to pre-register, or you'll be turned away at the door.
Cancel all your classes for the day and drive across the county to join the queue of people afraid we'll run out before they get their share! Show up early and stay late -- the best deals go quickly and the company is sublime.
xoxo,
Concerned Public Health Officials
P.S. Please do not bother to check to find out if your favorite Indian restaurant in Ohio -- temptingly close to our offices -- is open. It's not! But don't spoil the disappointment.
Overheard:
Health Care Worker #1: Are the pizza guys ever going to get here?
Health Care Worker #2: Maybe they couldn't get through. They were turning people away.
Health Care Worker #1: Surely they wouldn't stop the pizza guys.
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