Of the house

It's cold outside. Worse, it's cold in that sneaky December way that makes me think, "Well, maybe winter's not so totally dreadful," when ha ha ha the joke is on me because December really is just late fall or maybe prewinter, and I should just wait until January and then oh fuck February, and oh dear also March. Then even April is not spring but merely prespring. Dammit. At least the part where it is dark all the time is nearing its apogee, or nadir, depending on how you look at it. 

Afternoons and evenings can be a bit of a drag these days, with the cold and the dark that arrives well before dinnertime, and Jane wailing about how no she does not want to go for a walk or play outside, it is too dark, instead she wants to watch a video, a video please, how about some Peppa Pig please? A video a video a video pleeeeeeease. 

Hm, is there a story here? Alas, I think not. So here, have some bedtime stories instead. These are the ones Jane currently likes to be told multiple times a day, which I suppose somewhat undermines their status as bedtime stories, per se. They are 

"The Helicopter Story"

In this heartwarming tale, Mrs. Rabbit (stolen from Peppa Pig) takes Jane, Hedgehog, and Mr. Badger on a helicopter ride to Helicopter Island. Helicopter Island is very rocky, but covered in lots of springy green moss. There Hedgehog and Jane go off to climb rocks and roll on the moss, but the best part is that there is a big hill all covered in moss that you can slide down on pieces of cardboard. They slide on it and climb up and slide and climb up again and again until they are so tired they just flop at the bottom.

Then Mrs. Rabbit calls them to come over for tea, so they come and have tea from a thermos and some chocolate sandwich cookies. Then Mrs. Rabbit explains that she has finished her work (delivering mail and collecting moss samples) and it is time to go home. They do and she lands the helicopter very neatly in their back garden. They get out and stand well out of the way and say thank you, and then she leaves. The loudness and wind-makingness of the rotors is commented on. That is all.

"The Story on a Train"

a. Breakfast

It is breakfast time on the train! Mr. Badger, Hedgehog, and Jane get up out of their red velvet seats and walk to the end of their car. Jane presses a button (foosh) and the door opens. Then they step through and press the next button. The door closes behind them (foosh) and another door opens in front of them (foosh). They walk through the club car, and then enter the dining car. There a walrus dressed in a crisp white uniform greets them: "Moddom, gundlemun. May I show you to your seats?"

They choose their breakfasts from their beautiful menus. They receive their breakfasts. They eat their breakfasts. They taste one another's breakfasts and agree that they are very good, but everyone likes their own best. The walrus says "Veddy good" at appropriate intervals. At last they are done and the walrus brings the check on a little tray. On the tray also are three tiny cookies!

Jane says, "But we didn't order these! Is it a mistake?" and the walrus says, gravely, "Cumplemunts of the house, moddom." And they eat them.

b. Lunch

It is lunchtime on the train! As above in nearly every detail, though the foods, of course, are different. Jane, for example, may have a peanut butter sandwich. Hedgehog may have grilled cheese. Badger may have egg salad on rye. Some new treats appear with the check.

c. Dinner

It is dinnertime on the train! As they pass through the club car, they see Moose, who knows Badger and gives him a nod. The proceedings include selecting rolls from a cloth-lined basket with silver tongs. There is also dessert. The treats that appear with the check this time around may be little candies, or perhaps tiny macarons. 

"Cumplemunts of the house," the walrus assures her, as always, and then they walk back to their compartment (foosh, foosh) and get back into their red velvet seats, and fall asleep.

The end.

Reading this over I fear it comes uncomfortably close to the failure of entertainment and common decency that is going on and on about one's dreams (and then it turned out it was my elementary school, but the classrooms were all different somehow...) but oh well. How are you?

Comments

[Elsa]

It perhaps reveals my sadly low ambitions, but at the moment, I feel I could be perfectly happy to live a life of train rides, snacks, modest lunches, and sliding on springy moss, especially if all the outings ended with gratuitous cookies and "Cumplemunts of the house, moddom."

I imagine Jane is well familiar with Russell Hoban's Bread and Jam for Frances? I really love all the Frances books, but my oldest sister and I refer ALL THE TIME to the lunch with which "Bread and Jam" ends.

[redfox]

Frances in fact figures so large in our household that we are required to carry on extensive imaginary telephone conversations with Frances multiple times per week! That lunch is marvelous. The doily is a nice touch. I am also quite taken with the hamper lunch in Best Friends for Frances.

[Elsa]

HA! My favorite part of the picnic lunch in "Best Friends for Frances" is Frances' feigned off-handedness as she describes it:

"Nothing much. Hard-boiled eggs and whole fresh tomatoes. Carrot and celery sticks. There are some cream cheese- and chive sandwiches, I think and cream cheese and jelly sandwiches too, and salami-and egg and pepper- and egg- sandwiches. Cole slaw and potato chips and of course ice-cold root beer packed in ice, and watermelon and strawberries and cream for dessert. And there are other things I forget, like black and green olives and pickles and Popsicles and probably some pretzels and things like that."

Nothing much.